Bye bye Public Sector abyss
Resistance really is futile.
This is the 12:th and final year as a firstline-manager in the public sector of the high-taxed welfare state of Sweden. In September I am off for good.
When I applied for my first job in elderly care in 2014, it was not that I wanted to be a boss, earn a lot of money or make a difference. No, I have always known that I wanted to support people who never took shortcuts, who want to create a better world, who have innate callings that had to be followed.
And in order to be that supporter, I had to walk the talk myself. Dive into the abyss and drown in bureaucracy, idiot political decisions and follow and apply the HR-rules I myself most of the time, detest. I thought to myself - to be the best sparring partner to strong leaders, public sector is the necessary steel bath to become strong, armored and skilled.
How right I was. And how stupid I am to still think that things could change. That common sense one day would prevail. That the quite simple rules for a normal organisation to thrive, has no bearing here.
O yes, the policies and guidelines claims we shall be transparent, non-judgemental, choose best practice, have a holistic view and all that other yadayda.
Reality is quite different. Distortion. Gaslighting. Low on oxygen.
Still. So many good people giving their very best everyday. Things do work thanks to grass roots holding the fort while the elephants above dance wildly without rythm to protect their incomes, positions, status, self images.
What wants to come to life now
I shall not dwell on this. Resistance is as mentioned above - futile. The question is now, how to take the teachings from this underbelly of society and turn it into gold.
Because as within, so without. I have had to take a serious look at myself in this long process and in the system, and it has not always been pretty. I am by no means perfect, on the contrary. But I don’t leave with what I thought was the best equipment: strength, armor and skills. Or rather, they are not bad, but they must come with their opposites: vulnerability, openness and a growth mindset - skills are short term tools to rely on in a disruptive world.
Long I have also dwelled on what to use this writing space for. My erotic writings? My sparring services to men who are interested in real inner leadership? My view of the World that is dying now, and what wants to be born? The shadow work I do myself? The esoteric learnings I am accumulating both theoretically and practically?
Oh, how I wish my offerings would last no longer than an elevator pitch. But I am afraid this vessel is too vast.
This is what you dear reader will be provided with now. A witch’s brew. Spells and Tells, really. No false marketing here.
I leave you with today’s soul-candy:
The road to the toad is sprinkled with panthers and goats
Love,
K